Most of my friends know that I often include something hand-made in the gifts I give out. For example, last year, I gave out hand-made cards and this year, it is handphone straps. I feel that it's more original and it allows me to create a gift with that particular person in mind. Also, the gift would be unique as no second person in the world can have something identical.
Today, I got a sudden surge of inspiration and it led to three pairs of earrings being created.
When I showed them to my mum, she suggested that I open a blog shop or something of the sort as she feels that there would be people who like the designs and would love to purchase them. I'm currently giving that some thought. I feel that I won't be able to create a gift with the particular person in mind then.
11:25 PM
Y Monday, April 20, 2009
I had a rather difficult day today. Not because of anyone, but rather because of my emotions. I don't know why but every time I realise that I won't be able to hear how proud you are, I come to terms with reality. Things are never gong to be the same and I am well aware of that.
I have written a new song today. It's not completed yet, but I think it is one of my most emotional songs. I wrote this song with the same inspiration and feeling I had when I first started penning my very first song. When I'm done with it, I've got to discuss the music with Amanda and Shermeen. This will probably be one of the best songs I will ever pen.
'It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had.' - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
11:18 PM
Y Friday, April 17, 2009
SYF is finally here. I woke up at 4am this morning to prepare - make up, hair, gown -and when I was fully dressed, I headed off to Amanda's place to help her as well as meen with their preparations. It was a really frenzy morning. Thinking about it now makes me laugh. Then We headed off to school and was halfway through breakfast when we were required to start our final rehearsal. We put breakfast aside and did as we were told.
We had our break at 7.45 where we finished up out breakfast and did some touching up. Finally, it was time to head off to the competition venue. I have to admit. I was kind of nervous. I was the first one to enter through the door, and waiting behind those doors, I was taking deep breaths to calm myself and I'm not sure why, but the image of a bride, with a bouquet of flowers in hand, waiting outside to enter the church sort of came into my mind and it made me chuckle. It was funny and it helped calm me down. We did make some minor mistakes and thankfully, no major ones. After we got off stage, I heaved a sigh of relief. However, I knew that I would be anxious till the results are out.
We had to report back t school and once there, we headed off to the Choir room where we, as seniors officially step down. It was a really emotional moment. I almost teared listening to the speech, but I had to remind myself that I had make-up on. We took loads of pictures and exchanged hugs as well as well wishes. I will really miss my choir and all the wonderful experiences I know I will never forget.
After dismissal, Meen, Amanda, Leon and I went to Han's for lunch. It was really awkward as Meen and I were still on our gowns and we attracted loads of attention! All eyes were on us! Haha!
Okay... I think I have prolonged suspense for long enough. We attained a silver. I can't say that I'm completely happy with it. I think I'm just satisfied. At least we did not have a replay of the incident two years ago.
'If you're not making mistakes, you're not taking risks and that means you're not going anywhere. The key is to make mistakes faster than the competition so that you have more changes to learn and win.' ~ John W Holt Jr
10:59 PM
Y Thursday, April 9, 2009
Today is not a good day for me. I am disappointed and upset. They say, life is about choices, and I am questioning my choice. Did I make the right one? What if I had said no? I doubt that things would turn out the same way.
I am Angel. I am chairperson of a class. I am not a babysitter. I am not a nanny. I can guide 26 other people along the way, but I can't cater to all your needs and meet all your expectations. I'm not superwoman, I'm not perfect. I'm just me.
People have told me, 'You're the chairperson.', 'You've been given the book. Book them for defiance or something.' However, what these people don't know is, when I received the book, I went home and swore to myself that I will NEVER pen down anybody's name. This is because I respect everyone like mature 17 year olds, like mature young adults. I trust that everyone can behave according to the situation they are in. I hate to use the book as a threat. I don't want to gain respect through fear. I just wish that I could be given the basic respect that one gives to another person. I thought we made a pact. A pact that allowed us to respect one another and bring our class to greater heights. What happened to it? Empty promises?
I'm childish? FINE! Let's leave it at that. I am blamed for the mistakes we all make. Leon and myself shoulder everything and I'm childish. WHATEVER! I don't freaking care.
I was so close to returning the badge today. But I thought about the questionings I would then have to undergo and I was worried not about what to say, but what I'll say. I do not like implications. And, thankfully I have friends, MATURE friends who advised me against doing so. Thank you.
When the motto was selected, was it something everyone knew that they can abide by or was it simply a random thought? I don't know. I'm beginning to doubt everything that had occurred.
When you voted me your chairperson, was it because I was someone you can respect or was it a sabotage. If it is a sabotage, then take the title and duties back. Since I am so CHILDISH, I probably can't even handle a class of 27. Why not get someone much more MATURE to do the job.
What if it wasn't a drill? What if it was real? I was trying to keep everyone safe. In a way, I took the drill as a training. What would I do in a real emergency? I was trying to keep everyone safe, But how many actually cooperated?
Every little thing that goes wrong becomes my fault. The room is not opened? Why didn't Angel go get the stupid key? Was I even supposed to? NO! I wasn't. If selecting a chairperson is equivalent to selecting someone who can shoulder ALL of the wrong doings then I'm not the one you're looking for.
Angel this and Angel that. Angel is not God. She cannot solve every problem. She tries to minimise some of them but she has limitations.
I'm giving up. I really am. I'm just going to do what I'm supposed to and no more, unless things change. I'm tired. I get blamed because of a locked door. Am I supposed to do everything? Don't anybody else have initiative? Half the time, I don't even know why I'm being blamed. I knew from past experiences that it's not easy being the chairperson, but I took it up because of trust. And I think I'm wrong.
What I'm supposed to do is represent the class and try to lead you in the right direction. I sense that most people do not like being led. So I'm giving up the leading part.
So, to all who sincerely voted me your chairperson out of respect, thank you and I apologise for letting you down. To the rest, if you're not happy with how Leon and I carry out duties, feel free to elect someone MATURE and whom you can respect.
'The pleasure of expecting enjoyment is often greater than that of obtaining it, and the completion of almost every wish is found a disappointment.' - Samuel Johnson
4:56 PM
Y Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Choir today was tiring. However I did improve. Today, I was taught to see thing in a more positive way and it turns out that when I do so, I actually feel happier. Instead of feeling glum about all that had happened, I tried to view it from another angle and I discovered that things were not so bad after all. Maybe I should try to see that incident more positively. It's going to be really tough, but I'll give it a go. I honestly do not know if it will be a success but I'll never know unless I try.
Anyway, I did not succeed in recovering fully. I still have a little of that nasty flu virus in me. But, I am a whole lot better compared to last week. My next practice will be next Tuesday and I'm sure I'll be well by then. I dare say so because I have been good. I took my medicine regularly, drank lots of water and did as I was instructed. Therefore, I'm positive that I'll be well again within the week.
'Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family.' - Earl Nightingale
10:33 PM
Y Friday, April 3, 2009
This had been a pretty busy week for me. With the SYF and mid-years nearing, everything has been intensified. Choir training is tougher and our workload is definitely getting heavier. To make me feel even more anxious than I already am, I heard that the workload will be much heavier as we approach the national exams.
Anyway, the flu bug has been going around and unfortunately, I caught it. Therefore, I'm currently trying to recover from the flu and a sore throat. This is a really bad time to suffer from these illnesses as the competition is just a couple of weeks away. If I don't recover by then, I can't perform on stage, I can't compete.
I'm actually pretty disappointed with myself as my singing today was really horrible. I had tried so hard not to get sick and I even abstained from having meals that will harm my voice. Yet, I still fell ill and due to that fact, I sang badly today. I'm just so angry with myself. How on earth can I fall ill at this crucial juncture? It's just so wrong and so unfair. Why me? It's now that I really need my voice and it's letting me down. No matter what, I'm going to do whatever it takes to regain my health by the next choir practice which is on Tuesday.
After CCA today, we went back to class for a brief period of time to attend our form teacher's period and after that Leon and I prepared to head for the AVT for our class committee meeting. On the way there, we spoke to Ms Quah and we may meet her to work on ways to improve on our English. Both of us are weak in writing.
After the meeting, Leon, Krister as well as myself went to Astons at the Grand Cathay for lunch. We then wandered aimlessly around Orchard and talked about some really serious stuff. The conversation lasted for a really really long time and I was so emotional that I almost cried. We conversed for almost 2 hours. I kind of got things off my chest. I really don't know if that's the right way to put it, because although I did feel that some of the burden had been eased, I still feel the weight of it upon me. I guess things will never be the same again. Leon also said something that really got me thinking. He told us that everything happens for a reason. If that is indeed true, then why did it happen. I'm a little confused, but I'll keep looking for an answer.
'No steam or gas drives anything until it is confined. No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.' - Harry Emerson Fosdick D. D
8:19 PM
